this school years just long and hard (yes pun intended). i feel like i have to try hard to keep up with everything and not drown in a pile of work. more apps to do because my parents are like that. im already accepted to a college i wanna go to.. sf state. yes odd my acheivements are low, but im really excited to yeah 😀

my relationship is still ongoing. im happy to say that. its almost one year. hahah c: is college going to ruin that for me, it really might.. i will be torn if it does. but for the most part i think we’ll be fine.

so about school and my piles of work. TRIADD! mac gives so many ws, but they are pretty easy, so its not too bad. but overall so much work. forced into a club, had to do much junks for that. papers, projects, NO MOVIE or FEILDTRIP THIS SEMESTER. but soon to be going to the inaguaration ! im super excited for that.. OBAMA BITCHES! hehe, yes i will be there and see him c:

nothing super new in life, 100 drawing challenge update in progress – 34 of 100
with this school year its just halted a bit.. oh well. not my focus at the moment. im just trying to keep sane, with my parents and their ridiculous wants. im also trying to keep everything ongoing, school (which isnt as good as i had wanted for myself), relationships (this includes friends), and art (which i do because what else should i).


life in the fastlane

September 22, 2008

wow. i have not been updating a lot at all, no wonder barely anyones visited in a while. anyways at the moment i am taking a break from my homework and studies. god, these weeks have been so hectic. i feel as if i have not been able to get my head on straight.

i havent had time for many things i enjoy, photoshopping for one thing. ive been trying to squeeze in music browsing im doing ok with that. you should visit this: its good stuff. hahaha. its really been hard to squeeze in study time during the weekends and so i can visit vince and his family.

lately ive been doing some of my homework there. its been hectic. Not really rough, compared to other times or other peoples lives, its just chaos. chaos i can live without. ive dropped clubs hanging out with my friends and sometimes leaving my brother even though ive barely seen him.

days just seem to pass slow, but faster than i can handle. i sometimes find myself behind on my work and this just sucks. i still need to apply for college. boo… i want to redo this too because it bugs me.

alas i must return to my stuff because i have many tests and still homework to do. wish me luck C:

This will be my last year at my high school. Honestly, thank god. i have grown to really not like my school much. I know some interesting people, have some pretty chill friends, but still. i dont know the impact its left on me is not different than my other years of education. i somehow just, yeah its not good, its not really a time i ever like talking about. im not sure how it all works, becoming a grown-up. does it happen when you leave high school and enter college or come later. my thought is, you always have a choice to act like the grown up even when youre little, you just dont know it. im scared though, because i mean, im not the smartest, i need a 4.0 this year to pull up my total gpa from a 3.2 average over the years to a 3.4. even then , i probably wont get into a UC so i was thinking cal states.

Im also worried about where the school is, i mean, if i go far, shouldnt i just leave? but i cant leave i mean, i couldnt push myself to in my current status. too much to lose. perhaps if my status changed i would move far, start over, like D.C. area. but thats so scary. see im a stand still.

As for future worries there you go. as for now, i need to make this year seemingly ok. wish me luck for the future (:

tick tock, tick tock…

August 26, 2008

first off let me start off with a:

let me explain. summer is almost over. boo. but kinda. i mean i want to see my friends. which ive seen a few of them, but i want to know who is in my classes. well kinda, i want to see but then again… people. haha i yeah… not the best of friends with some people. im still polite though.

secondly, YESSS! i am progressing through the 100 drawing challenge. looky looky here.

woot. hahahah. i just yeah yes!.

third, yeah. i dont know. things have been boring ish still. just been hanging around. doing somethings. yeah. im not sure what else to say. it seems like… i cant get my hopes up or else i yeah. its not good. so woots.. whatever.

its like whatevers doods (: peace

i just wanna run away…

August 21, 2008

“I just wanna run away, I’ve had it here
I just gotta get out of
here, I’ve had it here
I just wanna run away, I’m done with this
Grab your coat, just take me, take me”
– basment jaxx  take me back to your house

so its not that drastic, i dont really want to run away, im just kinda .. stressed a bit, but who isnt right. im stuck,  i have no idea what im doing anymore. i really just dont know. ive been going with the flow, just i dont how or what to write about in a college essay. they dont exactly have a topic. i just i dont know where to start. and i dont know what makes me stand out. problem there. yes.. big problem there.

but anyways on a brighter side of things, i have started like actually started started, the 100 drawing challenge. not as far along as my friend but she started earlier, but but but i uh painting next year with these topics will be fun. so yay!

uh.. lets see.. yeah. thats about it.

last day until they are back!  ❤

p.s. happy cake day paul! [philippine time]
happy cake day paul! [in case i dont see you tomarrow here time]

missed call: hanna h. 6:18pm 08/02/08

a person who i needed to talk to because for so many years of my life, i wouldnt have been able to make it through. once again, i fall backwards and i still need help to push through. my parents have been shoving my future down my throat, and well its not helping at all.

i used to know what i wanted to be. i used to have the motavation to try harder, i still do somewhat. but there leaves that i dont know what the fuck im doing anymore kinda thing going on. i have no idea what i want to be. everyone says senior year will clear things up, itll all become straight in your head, and youll know what you want to do. you will see kid. well im sorry, but thats kinda bullshit isnt it?

ive envied anyone who knows the slightest about what they want to do. when people ask what you want to do, i look at them nervously and i want to say how the hell am i supposed to know, i dont know. all my friends it seems have it all figured out, i want to major in this or that or whatever, but none the less they all know. is it normal not to know and be this lost?

well i hope it is…
the one thing i know my friend would say to me is, honey its ok, just remember even though you dont know, you can never. just keeo looking at the little good things you have.

“with different lives
we sleep in separate beds
we sleep in different countries
while your voice plays in my head
if i had tried
to be smarter than before
would you tell me that you miss me
would you love me even more?”
                  – close to home by blue six

that for sure, wraps up how i feel right now. its so jumbled in my mind. i miss vince so much, but im so happy he is having a fun time in the philippines. and it was extra nice that i got to hear his voice. mm, to me that was just so great. but to top it off, i got to hear paul and rachel’s too, his brother and sister. to me, all five of them, even with his mom and dad (they have their moments), to me they are home. i feel safer with them and happier and overall more liked. mm, i cannot wait to see them.

i was so excited to be back in california.. and when i get home and go to my room, my room isnt.. exactly my room. if you know me well, and most do.. youd know my room is a organized chaos. i know where everything is, it just looks messy. it felt safe, lived in, and mostly SAFE!

well my parents decided not only to make me leave home for a month in texas, not bad i could live, but then clean every inch of my room, moving all my shit, changing it. i walked it, and i cried. its not my room, it is not safe. this is bullshit. i am soo fucking pissed. who comes home to place that doesnt feel like home? what, why.. why would they do that.

i cant even find my trash can… thats how pathetic this is..

7 months?

July 23, 2008

its a happy 7 months with my boyfriend vince. i umm.. dont think he will ever see or read this. but whatever. happy happy..

almost home.. i still cannot believe its almost been a month in texas. its a weird thought.
im excited to go home. i miss my bed, the pull out bed, our tv so i can watch senseless movies at 3am. i miss my friends and i miss having access to a computer at all times. i miss going to the park near home, i miss swimming. mostly i miss all the people there. i dont get to come home to the family i enjoy bursting in on, but soon. soon, i get to see them (: