“with different lives
we sleep in separate beds
we sleep in different countries
while your voice plays in my head
if i had tried
to be smarter than before
would you tell me that you miss me
would you love me even more?”
                  – close to home by blue six

that for sure, wraps up how i feel right now. its so jumbled in my mind. i miss vince so much, but im so happy he is having a fun time in the philippines. and it was extra nice that i got to hear his voice. mm, to me that was just so great. but to top it off, i got to hear paul and rachel’s too, his brother and sister. to me, all five of them, even with his mom and dad (they have their moments), to me they are home. i feel safer with them and happier and overall more liked. mm, i cannot wait to see them.


i was so excited to be back in california.. and when i get home and go to my room, my room isnt.. exactly my room. if you know me well, and most do.. youd know my room is a organized chaos. i know where everything is, it just looks messy. it felt safe, lived in, and mostly SAFE!

well my parents decided not only to make me leave home for a month in texas, not bad i could live, but then clean every inch of my room, moving all my shit, changing it. i walked it, and i cried. its not my room, it is not safe. this is bullshit. i am soo fucking pissed. who comes home to place that doesnt feel like home? what, why.. why would they do that.

i cant even find my trash can… thats how pathetic this is..

7 months?

July 23, 2008

its a happy 7 months with my boyfriend vince. i umm.. dont think he will ever see or read this. but whatever. happy happy..

almost home.. i still cannot believe its almost been a month in texas. its a weird thought.
im excited to go home. i miss my bed, the pull out bed, our tv so i can watch senseless movies at 3am. i miss my friends and i miss having access to a computer at all times. i miss going to the park near home, i miss swimming. mostly i miss all the people there. i dont get to come home to the family i enjoy bursting in on, but soon. soon, i get to see them (: