this school years just long and hard (yes pun intended). i feel like i have to try hard to keep up with everything and not drown in a pile of work. more apps to do because my parents are like that. im already accepted to a college i wanna go to.. sf state. yes odd my acheivements are low, but im really excited to yeah 😀

my relationship is still ongoing. im happy to say that. its almost one year. hahah c: is college going to ruin that for me, it really might.. i will be torn if it does. but for the most part i think we’ll be fine.

so about school and my piles of work. TRIADD! mac gives so many ws, but they are pretty easy, so its not too bad. but overall so much work. forced into a club, had to do much junks for that. papers, projects, NO MOVIE or FEILDTRIP THIS SEMESTER. but soon to be going to the inaguaration ! im super excited for that.. OBAMA BITCHES! hehe, yes i will be there and see him c:

nothing super new in life, 100 drawing challenge update in progress – 34 of 100
with this school year its just halted a bit.. oh well. not my focus at the moment. im just trying to keep sane, with my parents and their ridiculous wants. im also trying to keep everything ongoing, school (which isnt as good as i had wanted for myself), relationships (this includes friends), and art (which i do because what else should i).

life in the fastlane

September 22, 2008

wow. i have not been updating a lot at all, no wonder barely anyones visited in a while. anyways at the moment i am taking a break from my homework and studies. god, these weeks have been so hectic. i feel as if i have not been able to get my head on straight.

i havent had time for many things i enjoy, photoshopping for one thing. ive been trying to squeeze in music browsing im doing ok with that. you should visit this: xanga.com/roastedmusic its good stuff. hahaha. its really been hard to squeeze in study time during the weekends and so i can visit vince and his family.

lately ive been doing some of my homework there. its been hectic. Not really rough, compared to other times or other peoples lives, its just chaos. chaos i can live without. ive dropped clubs hanging out with my friends and sometimes leaving my brother even though ive barely seen him.

days just seem to pass slow, but faster than i can handle. i sometimes find myself behind on my work and this just sucks. i still need to apply for college. boo… i want to redo this too because it bugs me.

alas i must return to my stuff because i have many tests and still homework to do. wish me luck C:

This will be my last year at my high school. Honestly, thank god. i have grown to really not like my school much. I know some interesting people, have some pretty chill friends, but still. i dont know the impact its left on me is not different than my other years of education. i somehow just, yeah its not good, its not really a time i ever like talking about. im not sure how it all works, becoming a grown-up. does it happen when you leave high school and enter college or come later. my thought is, you always have a choice to act like the grown up even when youre little, you just dont know it. im scared though, because i mean, im not the smartest, i need a 4.0 this year to pull up my total gpa from a 3.2 average over the years to a 3.4. even then , i probably wont get into a UC so i was thinking cal states.

Im also worried about where the school is, i mean, if i go far, shouldnt i just leave? but i cant leave i mean, i couldnt push myself to in my current status. too much to lose. perhaps if my status changed i would move far, start over, like D.C. area. but thats so scary. see im a stand still.

As for future worries there you go. as for now, i need to make this year seemingly ok. wish me luck for the future (:

missed call: hanna h. 6:18pm 08/02/08

a person who i needed to talk to because for so many years of my life, i wouldnt have been able to make it through. once again, i fall backwards and i still need help to push through. my parents have been shoving my future down my throat, and well its not helping at all.

i used to know what i wanted to be. i used to have the motavation to try harder, i still do somewhat. but there leaves that i dont know what the fuck im doing anymore kinda thing going on. i have no idea what i want to be. everyone says senior year will clear things up, itll all become straight in your head, and youll know what you want to do. you will see kid. well im sorry, but thats kinda bullshit isnt it?

ive envied anyone who knows the slightest about what they want to do. when people ask what you want to do, i look at them nervously and i want to say how the hell am i supposed to know, i dont know. all my friends it seems have it all figured out, i want to major in this or that or whatever, but none the less they all know. is it normal not to know and be this lost?

well i hope it is…
the one thing i know my friend would say to me is, honey its ok, just remember even though you dont know, you can never. just keeo looking at the little good things you have.